One of the most common things women struggle with is knowing how to be confident. It is a struggle we all have faced form one time or another.
A lack of confidence can hinder your success, your personal relationships and your ability to be productive.
I truly believe that confidence is the solution to all the goals you strive for.
Hi, I’m Jenn Summers! I’m a goal strategist life coach who helps empower women through building confidence, finding clarity and (re)discovering their happiness.
What most people do not realize is that confidence truly is the first step of all things goal-related, success-related and happiness-related.
Without confidence, it is impossible to find clarity and clarity is essential to discovering your purpose, your passion.
Our 3 Core Elements Philosophy: Confidence, Clarity and Discovery!
What it DOES NOT mean to be confident
To be confident has nothing to do with being egotistic or full of one’s self. Some people get this vision of a rich, snobby person with their nose up in the air.
Some people say “wow, he is cocky” or “she is so full of herself.” Maybe they are or maybe the person saying it is not confident. (P.S. judging others does not make us confident.)
Sadly that limiting belief of a ‘confident’ person might actually hinder you from wanting to be confident!
Just like all limiting beliefs, we may not even know they exist until we dig for them. And just like all limiting beliefs, they have the ability to hold us back from the things we want most in life.
Really dig deep to figure out if your thoughts and values related to being confident are truly your own and not what you have come to believe from social media, television and what other people have told you.
Read more about overcoming limiting beliefs here.
What it DOES mean to be confident
Confidence is this empowering gem of trust, belief, strength and will that you have in yourself.
You trust in your decisions and know that even if it turns out not to be the best decision you will figure it out.
You believe in yourself and that you have it within you to accomplish your goals.
You find this incredible strength inside of you that you never knew existed and it makes you feel unstoppable.
You have a will to keep working towards it. This will excites and motivates you to keep pushing forward even when you struggle.
That my friend, is the definition of being confident.
Find out if confidence is holding you back with our Confidence Self-Assessment! Learn more about how to get your free workbook here.
You may feel incredibly passionate about an area in life but feel like you do not have what it takes to turn it into your purpose.
Or perhaps can not clearly see how it could be a purpose you can utilize in your business or make your life better.
Perhaps you struggle with knowing what you want and find you jump from one shiny object to the next.
Or maybe your inability to be confident in yourself shows in another way altogether.
Does any of this sound familiar?
Finding My Own Confidence
I’ll tell you right now this had been me for as long as I could remember. I struggled with confidence to the point that I had no clarity and did not feel as though I knew who I was anymore.
Being a multi-passionate entrepreneur had left me struggling to find my true calling when I felt so passionate in an array of different areas in my life.
Once I truly felt confident that I had a voice that could speak on certain topics with genuine knowledge that past experiences have made me an expert on the pieces started falling into place.
Yes, I struggled with imposter syndrome! I have struggled with it in many areas of my life, whether it be as an advocate, a business owner or as a mom.
My true calling had been in my life the entire time but without confidence, I couldn’t see that. Every day I was trying to help people in one way or another. I could not see that wanting to help people to better themselves and try new things was actually a career all in itself.
Being an empathetic person has taught me to take myself out of the situation and step into the shoes of the person I want to help. This is what helps me help others and understand them as individuals easily.
That being said let’s get back to how to be truly confident so you can find clarity and purpose and be the empowered woman you are meant to be.
How to be truly confident
The most important part of finding your confidence is to know where you struggle the most with feeling confident. Seems like a no brainer, right? Wrong! This is the biggest struggle for women trying to build their confidence.
A lot of the time women struggle with their self-image and think that the way to solve that is to change their appearance. They believe that once they look the way they think they should look then they will magically be more confident.
This is not true!
Sure, you may lose 20 lbs and feel an ego boost but this doesn’t always last and it is not genuine, unfortunately.
Without changing our self-image within our minds we will struggle with the new image we have.
Women tend to find new flaws. For example, many women who have rapid weight loss may then start to focus on the ‘extra’ skin they have due to the change in weight. Or perhaps that nothing they own fits them or they feel uncomfortable and like they lost a part of them.
Finding this new ‘flaw’ then becomes our focus that destroys our confidence.
So, what’s the secret to bettering yourself and loving the results without discovering a new flaw to kill the new, Confident you?
The secret is changing your mind before you change anything else.
The power of our mind is so powerful that it can change everything in our lives for better or for worse.
Utilizing this power is the key to being confident.
Create a confident self-image
If weight loss is your goal (check out our SMART goals post to see an example of setting a weight loss goal the SMART way!) then our first step needs to changing the self-image in your mind.
What is it that you truly seek? Is it a number on the scale? Dig deeper until you find the feelings that you want when you have reached your end goal.
- Is it vitality?
- Is it strength?
- Is it beauty?
- Is it happiness?
- Is it joy?
- Is it calm?
- Is it all of the above and more?
Now I want you to picture where you are once you have reached this goal. I want you to create a scene in your mind with as much lucidity as possible.
Ask yourself some questions to get a clear picture
- where are you?
- what are you doing?
- what are you wearing?
- what feelings are you experiencing?
- what sounds do you hear?
- what do you see?
- what is the temperature around you?
- what is happening in your surroundings?
- who are you with?
- what do you taste, if anything?
Be as descriptive as possible. Take enough time to truly paint this picture in your mind. Write them out with a pen and paper.
Take note of the most powerful aspects of this newly created self-image you have found. Can you feel the empowerment in your vision? If not, try to dig deeper.
Once you have created this self-image and this vision, use it in your daily daydreaming adventures. It is important to take the time to daydream and allow our minds to wonder. Some of our greatest ideas come from daydreaming. It also an amazing way to fill your heart with love and creativity.
A bit of a fun confidence experiment I stumbled upon by accident.
A few months ago we renovated our bathroom. A part of the renovation resulted in removing the bathroom mirror to drywall and paint.
One of my confidence flaws was not liking what I saw in the mirror. It was a constant thing but every now and then I found myself saying ‘yikes, I can’t go out in public like this.” or “I hate my hair” or “ugh this scar is so noticeable”. There is probably more I can think of if I try but you get the picture.
Well there was no mirror hanging in my bathroom, therefore there was no inner critic taking that image looking back at me and tearing it to pieces. I found a way by accident to shut that voice up that constantly was tearing me down. The voice I didn’t believe but didn’t know how to silence.
When you hear someone or the voice in your head being constantly negative all the time those words take a toll on you and they begin to tear you down. They become limiting beliefs. This is mental abuse whether it be from someone else (learn more about limiting toxic relationships here) or in your very own mind.
It has been a few months without my mirror in the bathroom. Honestly, I haven’t hung it back up yet partially because I’m not sure if I want to make a new one, use a huge one I have or purchase something completely different. But also because I enjoy the freedom from the critical voice I heard every time I used the bathroom one million times a day (mommy bladder, eek!)
This might be something you want to try, you don’t need to be as drastic as me. You can simple cover yours with a towel for a week and see if you notice a diminishing voice in your head.
I have a mirror in my bedroom which means that I see myself once a day. And each day I love what I see a little bit more. My fear of becoming some crazy full of herself being obsessed with her self-image was a lie. Rather I look in the mirror and I feel love.
That is such a powerful feeling to have.
Other ways to build the confident you
Our SMART goals post I mentioned above goes in-depth about goals and confidence and how they correlate. To sum it up for you building confidence comes from achieving small goals to start and working our way up to a bigger goal and end goals.
Our ‘Do you need a confidence boost?’ self-assessment is a free gift to help you discover the areas of your life you may struggle with and to get a grasp on how much a lack of confidence you may have.
Confidence and your business is a post about the number one obstacle women face when it comes to being an entrepreneur. You guessed it, confidence!
Empowering self-awareness is a complimentary course I created with 5 lessons on empowering your mindset to its full potential. This course comes with video lessons and written lessons as well as worksheets to help you get the most out of it.
The Confidence Builder Workbook is a paid product developed to help you empower your confidence. The best way to build confidence is by taking action. You. can learn more about our confidence workbook and guide here.
How To Be Truly Confident Conclusion
We have covered the number one way to be truly confident, envision a new self-image. Your self-image can be anything you want it to be.
If you want to be more confident in your business; if you want to be more confident speaking in front of others; if you want to be more confident as an advocate, run through the questions above and get clear and concise on the feelings and create a full picture in your mind’s eye.
As children we believed we could be anything, find that inner child and start believing in YOU again!
Take care and chat soon;
Living A Boss Life