Recently I started working on a new ebook/workbook about How to set goals you actually want and I’m really pumped about it. I wanted to go over this with my readers on the blog because I think all too often we lose sight of what we want so here we are: How to Set Goals YOU Actually Want! the #1 reason you keep failing at reaching your goals!
Since our New Years Resolutions are just around the corner and everyone is ready to jump on board for setting goals in 2021 it is the perfect time to raise awareness of why your goals are not working for you!
I work with women to help them reach the point where they can feel truly confident, happy in their lives, mindful each day, and reach their full potential.
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Why Your Goals Are Not Working For You!
Does this sound like you? Every year you set a New Years Resolution but come to the end of February and you have forgotten all about it and really don’t care anymore.
The #1 Reason you are failing at achieving your goals is that YOU DO NOT ACTUALLY WANT THEM!!!
Yep, that is right! Although most people believe they did not achieve their goals because they lack commitment, or skill or the ability to do so. The failure then brings them down all goals begin to seem impossible. This negative thinking can lead to imposter syndrome and some very limiting beliefs!
In reality, the reason they did not conquer their goals is that they did not really want them. Sure, it sounded great at the moment and they were pumped up, energized and adrenaline motivation flowing! But then they were like “ya, I’m not really sure I care that much…” or “why did I want this again?”
If your goals are not working for you and you keep losing track of the end goal then please keep reading this is an invaluable topic you need to check out so that you can start planning goals that YOU actually want!
I’m sure we have all felt this exhilarating moment when we set a goal, and we decide to put everything into it, and then it falls flat on its face. That motivation disappears and we lose our stride.
The reason these goals are not working for you is because they are not truly your own. We are so influenced by external forces all around us that we can really struggle with clarity of what we actually want!
How Society Complicates How To Set Goals You Actually Want
As much as you would like to believe that you are not influenced easily I guarantee everyone is influenced in some way or another. More often than not, this influence goes completely unnoticed. Unless we are really aware of our thinking it can be difficult to notice and even if your self-awareness is at it’s peek you may still not notice slight influences.
So, how does society stop you from setting goals you actually want?
Here are a few questions to think about:
- do you get the urge to purchase/try something you see on social media or in a commercial?
- do you purchase/do things that were never on your radar before seeing the ad or social media post?
- do you do certain things because it is expected of you? even if you do not want to?
- are you hesitant to try something because you worry you would upset or be judged by your parents? Your spouse? Your friends?
- do you follow the ladder of life because that is what life is about?
- what did you want to be when you were a kid? are you doing that now?
As a society we have been conditioned to follow a certain ladder of life. First you graduate school, then you choose a career, go to college, get married, buy a house, have children, yearn for that promotion, work until retirement, etc.
It’s a way of life that society deems is essential to success but what if it is not what you want? What if you want something entirely different?
More often than not we all try to fit this cookie-cutter way of life. If society says we should be a certain weight we believe that is so. If society says we should have the newest phone we strive to purchase it. If society says the new rage is being self-employed we jump into it.
The biggest issue with following this ladder of life is that it may not be what you truly want out of life and when you reach the next rung you realize the euphoria you thought you would have is not there, instead you are already focused on the next rung of the ladder of life. Your search for happiness becomes never ending.
Conditioning in our environment starts a very young age and it can hurt us and our dreams and goals. We can let our limiting beliefs tell us that our goal is ridiculous or impossible. We allow ourselves to lose the dream and get lost in what society says we should want.
How To Set Goals You Actually Want
The reason you are here is that you want to get out of this cookie-cutter life or perhaps you are curious about this topic. Whatever the reason it is now it is time to look at how to set goals YOU actually want.
What is it that you desire?
First and foremost you need to ask yourself what is your biggest desire. What do you want out of life? Is it influenced by the people around you? Why do YOU want it?
Why do you desire it?
Then you need to dig deep and figure out why it is your biggest dream. Perhaps your goal is to get a promotion. Why do you want to get the promotion? Are you happy in your job right now? Will a promotion get you the satisfaction you are looking for? What will you get from the promotion? An increased wage? Health benefits? More time with your family?
Depending on which of those you said yes to will determine which area you dig deeper into.
Is your why substantiated?
If you said your reason for wanting a promotion was because of the increased wage but you do not truly like your job then you need to ask yourself if the promotion is going to actually bring you happiness and the desire you want? Maybe it won’t and maybe your goal should change to finding a job you love? No one knows that answer better than you.
If you said the reasoning was because you wanted to spend more time with your family, will that be true? Will you get more freedom or will you get more responsibility? Sometimes we can be blinded by our goals and not see the end picture.
What drives you?
One of the best ways to determine what we really want is to know the feelings we want at the end of the day. Feelings are the best motivator of all. You can read more about what success means to you in our motivation post and defining your success portion here. Once you know what your drive is made up of you are able to find your motivation when your goal seems like the distant future.
Will fear keep holding you back?
Fear is often what holds back from many things in life. Fear of failure, fear of judgement, fear of being an imposter, fear of losing control.
The size of your dreams must always exceed your current capacity to achieve them. If your dreams do not scare you, they are not big enough.
Ellen Johnson Sirleaf
We all have these fears and we all have let them depict our future in one way or another.
As a child we were fearless, we gained fears by outcomes over the years and those fears grew. Society is greatly influenced by fear and it can cause a person to do some pretty crazy things or absolutely nothing at all. This is especially bad if it is holding us back from the goal we have been yearning for.
The only things in life that we can control are our actions and our thoughts. Controlling our actions is usually the easier of the two once we understand our compulsions.
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Our thoughts can be much harder to retrain. But it is possible, in fact, you can retrain your brain for positivity, you can retrain your brain to find happiness, you can retrain your brain to be more self-empowering.
With the right tools and strategies, you can dispel the negativity that has been holding you back and stop worrying about what other people think.
Remember you can only control your own actions and thoughts. Most importantly remember that your biggest dreams should cause you some fear and fear an be a good thing if you use it right.
The key take-aways of how to set goals you actually want
Let’s take a look at the key take-aways of how to set goals you actually want.
Number 1: Understanding why your goals are not working for you is essential. Once you realize they are not goals you actually want you can see why you are not motivated to keep going with them.
Number 2: Learning how society influences you and your decision making is one of the most important things to know in order to learn how to set goals YOU actually want rather than goals society says you SHOULD want.
Number 3: Learning how to set goals you actually want by finding what you truly desire, why you desire it, if you can substantiate it, what will drive you to keep moving forward with it and if you will keep letting fear hold you back.
I know we covered a lot today but believe me when I say this is just the tip of the iceberg. There are many important factors to look at when setting goals and there are many different ways to do so like SMART goals, finding an accountability partner or using tools to help you reach your goals.
My new ebook/workbook will be coming soon, be sure to get on the waitlist and get our awesome freebies straight to your inbox!!
Thank you so much for coming and best of luck with achieving all your dreams and goals that YOU actually want!
Living A Boss Life